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|c. reider - some things i did when i lost my mind|
Towards the beginning of the year 2001 I was suffering in the depths of the longest, worst depression of my life. This depression had become indescribably severe, my life had completely crumbled. Things got so bad that what I'd now call 'reality' began to kinda slip. Severe depression with psychotic features, I guess you'd call it.
All that I clearly remember from that time is that I spent most of my time weeping fitfully. I was generally still aware of what was going on around me, I went to work, came home and ate and stuff... like normal, but things were not normal. Truthfully, I don't directly remember much of what happened or much of the effect of the sickness. In fact, with every passing day, some part of me tries to convince myself a little more that it didn't really happen, that I made the whole thing up for attention. maybe that's true.
I remember the psychotic effects secondarily, from the writings about it that I did at the time.
I could not discern color. People were very difficult to make out with any of my senses, their shapes were blurry and garbled, into what I described in my writing as squiggly, echoing lines. My interpretation of speech was messed up as well. I was able to understand most of what was said to me, but the nature of the sound was different... I described the sound of speech in writing of the time as "murmers, buzzes and crackles."
I almost describe this here as though it were a "cool trip," but there was nothing fun about this experience. It was THE WORST time of my life.
I thought about killing myself; I thought about driving into frozen-over Lake Estes -- I thought about that a lot.
I'm better now, I promise, I'm better.
For whatever reason, I decided then to spend my lonely evenings putting sounds together, I guess I fell back on something that had always given my pleasure as a kind of therapy... because conventional therapy had gotten me nowhere.
At the time, a romantic idea had occurred to me of making a whole cd of very plain, stripped-down drones, so I started making drones through my various methods.
In one of my famous digressions (I digress a lot,) I also became very involved in making electronic buzzes and crackles, and so I ended up making a very strange sounding, noisy, yet ambient set of recordings.
It was probably the only good thing that happened to me while I was sick. I am proud of it, and a little afraid of it. Sometimes it makes me cry.
These recordings represent what I thought sounded right while I was waiting out the bio-chemical storm. They are queezy, non-melodic drone-loops with glitching electronic buzzes, murmers and crackles at the foreground. very zoned-out, yet difficult experimental, electronic-abstract sound works intersecting noise and ambient. Unsettling atmospheres, surreal electronic crackle, flitting shadows of voices. A difficult suite of music from a disturbed state of mind.
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Review by Godsend On-Line
c. reider - "Some Things I Did When I Lost My Mind" CDR- A new collection of instrumental and experimental soundscrapes (yes, you read that correctly) from this Colorado-based writer/musician. 'Some Things I Did...' begins on a relatively harsh note and continues much in that fashion, carving out it's own language of dense, claustrophobic electronic passages and deeply mysterious textures. Distant rhythms and playful, almost innocent patterns emerge from the seeming chaos, only to be swallowed up by larger, more sinister demons (the kind that inhabit the farthest reaches of consciousness). This is the soundtrack to a perfectly surreal nightmare, where nothing is as it seems and walls evaporate into viscous plumes of toxic fumes. reider's ever-evolving walls of post-industrial sounds are abstracted and fogged, yet they never get tedious or monotonous. He has a keen ear for creating cinematic moods and hallucinogenic collisions of sound. Fine work here.
Review by Drone Records (who also distribute this CD in Europe)
C. REIDER Some things I did when I lost my mind CD-R - Der Titel ist durchaus ernstzunehmen: Ein sehr authentisches experimentell-atmosphärisches Album von C. REIDER aus Colorado, aufgenommen in einer depressiv-psychotischen Phase, wo sich die Wahrnehmung seiner Aussenwelt radikal veränderte... aus dieser Zeit stammen die hier dokumentierten Aufnahmen aus knarzigen Drones, fremdartigen Stimmensamples, ständig steigen störende SoundEffekte an die Oberfläche, eine fremd-organische Bedrohung ist direkt spürbar in dieser Musik... ein surrealistisch-klaustrophobischer Trip !